What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Praise be to Allaah.  

The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other. 

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624) 

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah: 

The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage.  If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.” 

But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.   

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her. 

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later. 

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate. 

Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful. 

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235) 

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.

 And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem to learn Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be conscious of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

 

Is it obligatory for a woman to get married?

Is it obligatory for a woman to get married?

Praise be to Allaah.

In response to your question, we will look briefly at what some of the Muslim fuqahaa’ have written on this topic. In Mawaahib al-Jaleel it was said: “Marriage is obligatory for a woman who is unable to feed or clothe herself unless she gets married.” In al-Sharh al-Kabeer, concerning obligatory marriage it says: “If a person fears that he may commit fornication, it (marriage) is obligatory on him.” In Fath al-Wahhaab, it says: “For the woman who has (physical) desires, marriage is sunnah, just as it is for the one who needs maintenance and the one who fears being taken advantage of by immoral persons.”

In Mughni al-Muhtaaj, it says: “(Marriage) becomes waajib (obligatory) if a person fears fornication… And it was said that it becomes obligatory if a person has made a vow (nadhr) to get married.” Then concerning the ruling with regard to women: “If she needs to get married, i.e., she has physical desires, or needs maintenance, or she is afraid that immoral people may take advantage of her… it is preferable (mustahabb) for her to get married, because this will protect her religion and her chastity, and she can enjoy what her husband spends on her, and other advantages.”

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Mughni: “Our colleagues differed as to whether marriage is obligatory. The best-known opinion in our madhhab is that it is not obligatory, except when a person is afraid of committing a forbidden deed if he does not marry. In that case he should make himself chaste (i.e. get married). This is the opinion of the majority of fuqahaa’.”

When it comes to marriage, people are of three types, one of which is those who fear that they may commit forbidden deeds if they do not get married. It is obligatory for such people to get married, according to the majority of fuqahaa’, because it is obligatory for them to make themselves chaste and protect themselves from haraam. In Subul al-Salaam it says: “Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eed said that some of the fuqahaa’ said that marriage is obligatory for the one who fears sin or hardship (because of suppressing physical desires) and is able to marry… and it is obligatory for the one who cannot avoid fornication unless he gets married.”

In Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, it says: “There is no dispute that marriage is an obligation when desire is strong. If a person has such a strong desire for women that he cannot be patient, and he can afford to pay the mahr (dowry) and support a wife, then if he does not get married, he is a sinner.”

From the above discussion, we can see a number of situations in which marriage is obligatory. You might ask: “How can we imagine a woman fulfilling this obligation when usually it is the man who goes around knocking on doors looking for a partner? This is not the woman’s role.” The answer is: what a woman can do to fulfil this command is not to refuse marriage when a suitable, compatible man comes with an offer of marriage.

Muslim women and men need to understand the high status which marriage has in Islam, so that they will be more keen to marry. There follows a useful summary on this topic by Imaam Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allaah have mercy on him), from his book al-Mughni:

The basis of the legitimacy of marriage is the Qur’aan, Sunnah and ijmaa’ (consensus of the scholars). In the Qur’aan, Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): ‘… marry women of your choice, two or three, or four…’ [al-Nisaa’ 4:3] and ‘And marry those among you who are single and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves)…’ [al-Noor 24:32]. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men! Whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for this will lower his gaze and protect his chastity. Whoever cannot (get married), then let him fast, for fasting will be a protection for him.” (Agreed upon). There are many other ayaat and reports like these. The Muslims agree that marriage is legitimate.

Ibn Mas’ood said: “If I only had ten days left to live, and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I was able to get married, I would do so, for fear of fitnah (temptation).”

Ibn ‘Abbaas said to Sa’eed ibn Jubayr: “Get married, for the best of this ummah are those who have more wives.” Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: “Taawoos said to me: ‘Either you get married, or I will say to you what ‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: There is nothing stopping you from getting married but either impotence or immorality!’ According to al-Mirwadhi, Ahmad said: ‘Celibacy has nothing to do with Islam. Whoever calls you not to get married is calling you to something other than Islam.’”

Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him):

The benefits of marriage are many. They include: protecting one’s religion and helping one to adhere to it; protecting and taking care of women; and producing offspring and increasing the ranks of the ummah, thus achieving the pride of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), etc. [Translator’s note: there is a hadeeth which indicates that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of the large numbers of his ummah in the Hereaster, so Muslims are encouraged to marry and have many children.]

It should now be clear that the benefits of marriage are many. No wise Muslim woman would hesitate to get married, especially if an offer of marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good character and morals.

She wants to marry a person she loves but her family are refusing to let her

I have been talking to a guy that I have very stong feelings for, and now we are thinking of taking it to another level which is marriage. THe only problem is that my parents dont agree. They feel that he is not worth of me and they feel that he will not treat me right! They have no valid reason other than the fact that alot of times they see us arguing bas it's normal. I really love this guy and I am scared that when he comes and ask's for me my parents wont agree. What is the quaran's ruling on this?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: 

It is not permissible for a woman – whether she is a virgin or previously married – to get married without the permission of her guardian. This has been explained previously in a number of answers. Please see Question No. 2127. 

Secondly: 

The family – customarily and usually – is able to know what is best for their daughter and who is best suited to marry her, because usually girls have little knowledge and experience of life and what is best for them, and they may be deceived by some nice words, and be ruled by their hearts rather than by their heads. 

Hence a girl should not go against her family’s opinion, if they are known for their religious-commitment and wisdom. But if a woman’s guardians reject husbands for no valid reason, or if their criteria for choosing a husband are not acceptable by the standards of sharee’ah – such as if they prefer a rich evildoer over one who is religiously committed and of good character – then it is permissible for the girl to refer the matter to the qaadi (sharee’ah judge) to annul the guardianship of the one who is not letting her get married, and pass that role to someone else. But this is not applicable in this case, because what is stopping the family from agreeing to this husband is what they think is in the best interests of their daughter, and this has to do with the character and attitude of the husband. 

Thirdly: 

The things that lead to love between a young man and a young woman may be things that are not Islamically acceptable, such as mixing, being alone together, speaking, exchanging pictures, and so on. If this is the case then a woman should realize that she has done something haraam, and this is not the standard by which the man’s love for her should be measured. For usually at this stage the man shows his best side and makes his behaviour look as good as possible, so he can win the girl’s heart and get what he wants.  If what he wants is haraam, then she will be like a victim for the wolf and will lose the most precious thing that she possesses after her religion. If what he wants is permissible – namely marriage – then he has gone about it in a way that is not permissible. Moreover, she may get a shock when she sees his attitude and how he treats her after marriage. This is the fate of many wives. 

So the family has to make a good choice for their daughter. They should find out more about the husband, and they should not judge a person on the basis of heated discussion that may be justifiable. What matters is the man’s attitude and religious commitment. The family should also remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “We do not think there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624. 

The girl has to obey her family, for they know best what is in her best interests, and all they want is for her to be happy with a husband who will respect her and give her her rights. 

We also advise the sister who asked this question to look at the answer to question no. 23420. 

And Allaah knows best.

Ruling on delaying marriage without justification

I heard about ur site from a friend n found it very very usefull n full of information. so, i, thank u very much for clearing up most of my misconceptions through it.  
my question is regarding marriage .  
my parents have accepted a proposal from a family but now they r delaying in fixing up dates . although the man's family wants evrything to b done quickly but my parents r taking a lot of time. so what is the ruling on delaying of wedding when once everything has been finalized.

Praise be to Allaah.  

We thank you for your kind words about our site, and we ask Allaah to bless us and you with beneficial knowledge and righteous deeds.  

If the situation is as you say, with your father having agreed and with the woman’s family being prepared, then everything is in place and there is no reason to delay this marriage. 

Rather you should hasten to proceed with it, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.” (Agreed upon, from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood, may Allaah be pleased with him. Al-Bukhaari, 4778; Muslim, 1400). 

But your father may have some reasons for delaying the marriage, which he may not want to tell you.  So you should be patient and seek reward for that. You should also tell them of the virtue of hastening this good thing, because it will help you to lower your gaze and guard your chastity, even if that is done by doing the marriage contract and delaying consummation of the marriage, that is better than leaving it as an engagement. 

You should note that the fiancé (khaatib) is still a non-mahram to his fiancée (makhtoobah), and it is not permissible for him to do any more than look at her as much as the fiancé is permitted to look. But if he does the marriage contract with her, she becomes his wife and it is permissible for him to so everything with her that married people do, but it is better for him not to have intercourse with her until the marriage is announced, so as to ward off mischief, and in acknowledgement of the prevalent custom.  

And Allaah knows best.

He is afraid that he caused his wife’s death

My wife died recently (pregnancy complications) and during 5-8 months pregnancy period, me and my wife quarrel on some issue and I did not telephone her for 3 months. When she admitted in the hospital on her serious condition, I came back to from Saudi Arabia and I met my wife in the hospital and we forget about our issue of quarrel. I kiss her and spend a lot of time in the hospital sitting with her and pursuade her that Inshallah she will be alright and I spend nearly 15,000 S.R towards medical expenses but she died. Q:1) Is she died because I was not talking to her on the telephone and she took this matter seriously in her heart ? Q:2) My mother-in-law blames me for the cause of her daughters heart because I was not sending sufficient money for her because my mother wants my wife to stay in our home rather then she stays with her parents. My mother told me that if I send money she will not come back to our house, so I used to send only little money. Is that could be the cause of my wife dealth as my mother-in-law said ? Please help me and I feel very much guilty upon hearing my mother-in-laws words as I can not sleep properly and feeling quilty. It was a love marriage and we quarrel on small issue sometimes, but I never wants her death.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: we ask Allaah to shower your wife with His mercy and to record for her the reward of martyrdom, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Martyrdom is of seven types besides being killed (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah,” and among them he mentioned the woman who dies because of pregnancy or childbirth. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3111; al-Nasaa’i, 1846; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. And we ask Him to help you and her family to bear this loss with patience and to compensate you in this world and in the Hereafter. 

Secondly: there is no doubt that life and death are in the hand of Allaah and that the time of death and life-spans are decreed by His will. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed”

[al-Mulk 67:2] 

“Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). It is He Who gives life and causes death”

[al-A’raaf 7:158] 

No one has the power to benefit or harm another except by Allaah’s leave. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Holy Spirit inspired to me that no soul will ever depart this world until it has completed its allotted time and used up its allotted provision, so do not be too desperate when seeking provision. If you feel that provision is slow in coming, do not try to hasten it by disobeying Allaah, for that which is with Allaah can only be attained by obeying Him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 8/166; classed as hasan by al-Albaani). 

Thirdly: Islam enjoins kindness. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has prescribed kindness in all one’s affairs.” Narrated by Muslim, 1955. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) even spoke of a woman who went to Hell because of a cat that she detained until it died. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2365; Muslim, 2242. 

To what degree then do you think Islam enjoins kindness towards one's wife– one’s companion in this world and in the Hereafter?  

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women kindly.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3331; Muslim, 1468. 

Imam al-Tirmidhi narrated a hadeeth (1163) which he classed as hasan, and al-Albaani agreed with him, according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, during the Farewell Pilgrimage: “They (women) are like prisoners in your hands.” 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most complete in faith of the believers are those who have the best attitude, and the best of you are those who are best towards their womenfolk.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1162; classed as hasan by al-Albaani. 

Fourthly: If you know from the above that you fell short in your duty towards your wife, by cutting off communication with her when she was sick and was most in need of you, and the quarrel between you was about some minor issue, as you mention, then how could you fall short in spending on her, for spending on one’s wife is obligatory according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and scholarly consensus, as it says in al-Mughni (9/229)? If your mother told you to do something other than that, you should not have obeyed her, because there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. Your feelings of shortcoming and sin are appropriate. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Righteousness is a good attitude, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in your heart and which you dislike people finding out about.” Narrated by Muslim, 2553. 

But this sin should not be regarded as the cause of your wife’s death, because it is not directly connected to it and such things do not usually kill a person. You mentioned in your question that she died because of complications in pregnancy. And you did well – may Allaah reward you with good – by sitting with her in her last days and spending on her. Your doing these things will be an expiation for you in sha Allaah. 

Our advice to you is to pray a great deal for forgiveness for yourself and for her, and make du’aa’ for her, give in charity on her behalf, honour her family and uphold your ties with them and treat them kindly; put up with any bad treatment you may encounter from them because of the loss of their daughter; and let what happened be a lesson for the future so that it does not happen again. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her husband wants her to sit in front of the TV with him

My husband gets annoyed at my reading Qur’aan a lot, as he says, because I am leaving him alone. Will I be sinning if I stop reading Qur’aan for him because he wants me to watch TV with him? If I do not read Qur’aan and I sit with him, will I be sinning whether that is during the day or at night in Ramadaan? Please note that I try to read Qur’aan when he is sleeping or doing something that keeps him busy, and I do not read much, but I am learning tajweed [correct recitation].

Praise be to Allaah.  

There is no blame on you if you read Qur’aan and do a lot of acts of worship, so long as that does not impinge upon your husband’s rights, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present, except with his permission.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5195; Muslim, 1026. 

That is because the husband’s right to physical intimacy is obligatory, so it is not permissible to impinge on that by doing something that is naafil (supererogatory). 

The righteous wife should be happy that her husband is interested in her and wants her to sit with him. She should realize that by pleasing him and making him happy she will earn a great reward. So do you best and try to create a balance, and choose times for your worship when your husband is busy or is outside. 

With regard to watching TV, it is evil and should be avoided, because it provokes desires and stirs up doubts, and propagates many evils, such as mixing of men and women, uncovering ‘awrahs, and using music and musical instruments. What good there may be in it is outweighed by these great evils. Many of those who tried it and have it in their homes will you tell you that it is difficult to control it and keep away from its evils. Because even the religious programs – which are the best of what is available – are not free from the sound of musical instruments, or else they are presented by women who are clothed yet naked, astray themselves and leading others astray, so how about other programs? And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek. 

What your husband has to do is to fear Allaah and make sure his wife and children avoid seeing and hearing these evil things, for he is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”

[al-Tahreem 66:6] 

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock…” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893; Muslim, 1829. 

If he calls you to watch or listen to any of the haraam things that we have mentioned, it is not permissible for you to obey him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience in disobedience to Allaah; obedience is only with regard to that which is good and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840. Be kind and gentle when you advise him, and ask Allaah to set his heart straight and make him come to his senses. 

And Allaah knows best.

It is not permissible to force one’s wife to give up her rights before divorcing her

What is the ruling on forcing a wife to give up her rights before divorcing her?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

It is not permissible for a husband to take anything of his wife’s wealth unless she gives it willingly; that includes her mahr, except in a case where the wife has committed a blatant immoral action. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm”

[al-Nisa’ 4:4]  

“and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 

Ibn Qudaamah said: 

The scholars are agreed that the husband may not take her wealth, except in the case of willful defiance and bad conduct on her part. Ibn al-Mundhir narrated that al-Nu’maan said: If the wrongdoing and mistreatment is on his the husband’s part and she seeks divorce by means of khula’, then it is permissible for him (to take the mahr), but he is sinning because of his bad conduct, and he should not be forced to return what he took. 

Ibn al-Mundhir said: What he said goes against the apparent meaning of the Book of Allaah, and the proven reports from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and the consensus of the scholars. 

Al-Mughni, 3/137 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/283): 

It is not permissible for a man to treat his wife harshly in order to make her give up part of the dowry, or to beat her for that purpose. But if she commits an blatant act of immorality then he has the right to treat her harshly in order to make her give up her mahr or some of it (so he can divorce her), and he may hit her. This is between the man and Allaah. The woman’s family should investigate the matter and fid out who is in the right. If it is proven to them that she is the one who transgressed the sacred limits of Allaah and betrayed the husband, then she is a wrongdoer and transgressor, so she should give back the mahr (or part of it). End quote. 

What is meant by the act of blatant immorality (or “open illegal sexual intercourse”) mentioned in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):   

“and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 

is adultery and lack of chastity, and bad behaviour such as using foul language and offending her husband.  

See Tafseer al-Sa’di, p. 242 

And Allaah knows best.

Does the husband have to make his wife happy?

What r the duties of a husaband towards his wife. he should keep her happy or not. my husband sometime wont treat me as his familymember.he always only see his parents &sisters worries& happiness. i want him to treat me and love aslso as his family member.can u plz give some explanatipn so that i can tell him to love me also & take care of me.

Praise be to Allaah.  

The husband has to treat his wife in a good and kind manner, and to spend on her food, drink, clothing and accommodation, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Baqarah 2:228] 

Ahmad (20025) and Abu Dawood (2142) narrated that Mu’aawiyah ibn Haydah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what are the rights of the wife of any one of us over him?” He said: “That you should feed her when you feed yourself, clothe her when you clothe yourself, you should not hit her on the face, you should not curse her and you should not forsake her except in the house.”

Al-Albaani said concerning this hadeeth in Saheeh Abi Dawood: (it is) hasan saheeh. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined good treatment of women in more than one hadeeth. Hence the husband has to fear Allaah with regard to his wife, and give each person his or her rights. Honouring one's parents and upholding the ties of kinship do not conflict with treating one's wife kindly and honouring her and taking care of her.  The best that can be mentioned concerning that is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3895) and Ibn Maajah (1977). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded being kind to one's family as being the criterion with regard to who is best. Whoever wants to be one of the best of the Muslims should be kind to his family, which includes being kind to one’s wife, children and relatives. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never spend anything seeking thereby the Face of Allaah, but you will be rewarded for it, even (the food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 56. 

You should examine the reasons for the shortcomings in the way he treats you; perhaps that is due to a shortcoming on your part with respect to his rights; perhaps you do not pay attention to him, or adorn yourself for him, or hasten to meet his needs. 

You should be more patient, because there is a lot of good in being patient and it brings a great deal of reward. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Anfaal 8:46] 

“Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers. See V.2:112) to be lost”

[Yoosuf 12:90] 

“So be patient. Surely, the (good) end is for the Muttaqoon (the pious)”

[Hood 11:49] 

We ask Allaah to put our affairs and the affairs of all the Muslims straight. 

And Allaah knows best.

He loves a girl but his family refuses her because of her father’s bad reputation

I am a young man. I fell in love with my neighbor, since we were young; we used to go to school together, our love is clean and pure, we promised each other to get married. I am in another country now. Last night I promised her by putting my hand on the Quraan, that if Allah wills I will not marry anyone but you, she did the same.  Sheikh, this girl is very decent, she knows Islam well, she studies afternoon in an Islamic school, and she studies Quraan, fiqh and seerah. The problem is: 
1- My family refuses this marriage, but I know that they will be satisfied with me after marriage.  
2- This girl is oppressed in her family; her parents are divorced and she lives with her father, her step mother, her paternal aunt and her grandfather are oppressing her, she does all the house work, she works in the farm and does every thing alone. I want to save her from this environment she lives in.  
3- This girl’s father becomes drunk and does evil things, this is why my family refuses the marriage. This girl says that her father is a sinful man and she does not accept her father’s actions, is it fair to punish her for her father’s evil actions? Please sheikh advise me wisely knowing that it will be a disaster for me to leave her. I ask Allah to make all matters easy. May Allah reward you!.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

You should choose a wife who is religiously-committed and of good character, who will look after her husband and house, and raise her children well, and play her part in establishing a Muslim family and a Muslim society. This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught when he said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” 

You should not be careless with regard to this matter, or be swayed by emotion or so-called love. How many marriages have ended in failure because they were not based on the principle of choosing a wife who is religiously-committed? 

No one will be punished for the sins of another, and he will not bear any burden but his own, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“No one laden with burdens can bear another’s burden”

[al-Isra’ 17:15] 

But a man cannot avoid interacting with his in-laws or visiting them, or avoid his children being influenced by them. Hence choosing a good and religiously-committed family with a good reputation is something that has a good effect on the husband and his family and children, and it is one of the factors of family stability and success in solving whatever problem may arise in the future, which all families are prone to facing.  

Hence we do not blame your family for rejecting ties with a man who is a drunkard and has a bad reputation, because this will adversely affect them and their grandchildren. 

Claims of love and emotion should be dealt with in a rational, fair and broad-minded manner. A man may imagine that he cannot do without this girl, and he cannot live without her, and that she has certain qualities and characteristics, but if he were to think about it rationally, he would realize how his emotions are over-exaggerated. Hence you must examine the situation closely and weight up this girl’s good points and bad points, and the pros and  cons of marrying her, then base your decision on what you think most likely after weighing up the situation, without deceiving yourself, for no one is going to bear the consequences of this choice more than you. 

Secondly: 

If you do decide to go ahead and marry this girl, then try to convince your family and get their support, because the basic principle is that it is obligatory to obey one's parents if they forbid marriage to a certain girl, because honouring them is obligatory and marriage to a certain girl is not obligatory, and no exception is made concerning that except cases where a person fears he may fall into zina, if he thinks it most likely that not marrying a particular girl will lead to him committing haraam actions with her. 

Thirdly: 

The family should not object to their son’s marriage if it is clear that he is attached to a particular girl, so long as the girl is suitable and righteous, because marriage is the best remedy for them, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is nothing like marriage for two who love one another.”  Narrated by Ibn Majaah (1847) and classed as saheeh by al-Buwaysiri and by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (624). 

If they develop the intention of being kind to the girl and saving her  from her family, that is good, especially if you are going to move somewhere far away from them, and the children will not be affected by living in a corrupt atmosphere, then that will make it more acceptable to marry her. 

Fourthly: 

It is obvious that you are a stranger (non-mahram) to this girl, and it is not permissible for you to be alone with her, shake hands with her, look at her beauty or talk to her about love and so on. If any of these things have happened in the past, then you must repent to Allaah from that, and you must repent from studying in the mixed environment which is usually not free from haraam things, and has bad effects on both boys and girls. 

We advise you to consult good people whom you trust who know this girl and her family, and to pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance before taking any further step, because the one who prays istikhaarah will not be disappointed and the one who consults others will not regret it. 

See also question no. 23420 and 84102. 

We ask Allaah to guide you and to make you take the right decision that will bring good consequences. 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then begin to see the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was vituperated and verity teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed quran we read Quran we can understand better all the replies that are necessitated if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know truth core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the ability of the Good Book with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the information of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all needs to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the inquiry remains the exact same that reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Divine All these response can be found when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us connect hands to full fill our responsibility. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

If the fiancé dies before the marriage contract, does his fiancée inherit from him?

A man proposed marriage to a woman and her relatives agreed to that, and they agreed on the mahr with him, but he did not pay it. Then the fiancé died. What is the ruling on that? Does the woman in question inherit from him and should she observe mourning for him?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the situation is as you describe in the question, and the marriage contract had not been done between them, with the proposal from the woman's guardian and acceptance from the husband, whilst fulfilling all the conditions of marriage, with no impediments, then the woman mentioned does not inherit and she does not have to observe ‘iddah or mourning, because she is not a wife to her fiancé; rather she is still a stranger or non-mahram to him, because the marriage contract had not been done; rather all that happened was engagement and agreement with her relatives on the mahr only. This on its own is not regarded as a marriage, and there is no difference of opinion among the scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) concerning that. And if the family of the fiancée had taken any money from him, they have to give it back to his heirs. End quote. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him)

She used to sit with him and his wife, and he decided to marry her and divorce his wife!

My problem is that I am about to marry the husband of my sister’s friend. I used to go to her house and sit with her and her husband, and we would always talk with one another. When my sister tried to advise her that this is haraam, i.e., mixing, she made fun of my sister and told her “you are backward” until her husband came and proposed to me, and he says that he liked me from the first moment he saw me, and he wants to have children because she cannot have any. When she heard about this, she said that I had betrayed her. Should I agree to be his wife or not? He wants to divorce her because they have arguments. Please note that he works in the bank and wants to change his job because he knows that it is haraam; he always prays in the mosque.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

Mixing between men and women is haraam. See the answer to question no. 1200. 

What you must do is repent to Allaah from what has happened of that, and resolve not to do it again in the future. 

Secondly: 

It is haraam for a woman to strive for her Muslim sister to be divorced, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “no woman should ask for her sister to be divorced so as to deprive her of what is rightfully hers and take it for herself.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2140) and Muslim (1413). So it is not permissible to encourage or tempt the husband to divorce his wife.  

Thirdly: 

If the wish to marry came from the husband, and you did not try to separate him from his wife, it is permissible for you to accept, but we do not advise you to do that for several reasons: 

(i)                There is no guarantee that this man will not like someone else and choose her over you as he did with his first wife.

(ii)              Your agreeing to marry him will stir up resentment, hatred and enmity in the heart of his wife, and you will not be safe from her ill-will and harm.

(iii)            What you have mentioned about him working in the bank; he may leave it as he said he would, or he may not. 

This is what we think. If, after thinking long and hard about the matter, you decide to agree to marry him, then pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and wait until he finds another job that is permissible. 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that in which there is goodness, success and guidance. 

And Allaah knows best.

She learned of some faults in her fiancé and prayed istikhaarah about annulling the engagement, but it was not easy for her to do so

I got engaged recently, but after the engagement I found out about some faults in my fiancé that I cannot put up with, and I felt that he is not suitable for me, in addition to the fact that he does not help me to obey Allaah. Despite all that, every time I think of annulling the engagement and pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, something happens to make it difficult to annul it. What should I do? If I annul the engagement will I be disobeying Allaah because my decision is something other than what He has chosen for me? Should I close my mind so that I will be obeying Allaah?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If it has become clear to you that your fiancé has some faults that you cannot put up with, there is nothing wrong with annulling the engagement. This is better than getting married with the possibility of differences and conflicts, then divorce. 

If you have thought about that, then pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, then tell your wali so that he can apologize to your fiancé. Thus your engagement will be annulled. 

Istikhaarah does not mean that you should close your mind, and it is not only focused on material matters that surround man, rather it is complementary to that. A person may be hesitant about some matter, because it involves both good and bad, pros and cons, or because he is uncertain of the consequences, so he asks Allaah to make easy for him the good that He knows. 

It may seem to you that a suitor is free of faults, but Allaah knows that he is not suitable for you and that there are faults in him of which you are unaware, or that you are not suitable for him. Or it may seem to you that there are faults in a suitor, but Allaah knows that he is suitable for you and that his faults will disappear, or that they are not actually faults, or that he is suitable for this woman, and other unseen matters that no one knows except Allaah, may He be glorified. 

It is well known that no one can succeed except with the help and guidance of Allaah, and that if he were to be left to his own devices he would be an utter loser. So if you have prayed istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, about something, then go ahead with it. If it is good, Allaah will make it easy and facilitate it, and if it is bad, Allaah will divert you from it or divert it from you. 

To apply this to your question: because of the faults that you see in your fiancé, you should pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance about annulling the engagement, and go ahead with it, by speaking to your wali or to someone who will convey news of the annulment of the engagement. If the matter comes to an end and is made easy, that is better for you, in sha Allaah. If it becomes difficult to annul the engagement, then there is nothing good for you in that now; it may be that Allaah knows that your getting married to him is better for you, or that continuing the engagement for a while longer is better for you. There is no reason why you should not repeat istikhaarah several times. 

We should point out a number of things: 

1.     Istikhaarah is not to be used concerning things that are obligatory or forbidden or makrooh, except when the hesitation is about setting a time to do an obligatory action. Based on that, if it has become apparent that your fiancé does not pray or that he commits immoral actions, for example, then you must refuse him, and it is not prescribed to pray istikhaarah in that case.

2.     The issue of things being made easy or difficult may involve some doubt and waswasah (whispers from the shaytaan). Perhaps the wali will try to contact the fiancé to tell him of the annulment and will not be able to get in touch with him, so it is said that the matter has become difficult. But that is not the case. Rather he should try again to get in touch with him, or send someone to tell him the news, and so on.

3.     If a person goes against what is indicated by istikhaarah, he is not disobeying Allaah or sinning, but he will miss out on much goodness and will regret it if he does not do it, or harm may befall him if he goes ahead with something that Allaah has not made easy for him. Perfect faith and trust in Allaah means delegating one’s affairs to Allaah and accepting His decision, and going ahead with the matter after praying istikhaarah and deciding upon a course of action, and not paying attention to waswasah.  

Please see also the answers to questions no. 11981 and 5882. 

We ask Allaah to make good easy for you wherever it may be. 

And Allaah knows best.

He divorced her three times during a period of purity (tuhr) in which he had had intercourse with her

I have been married for four months, and there was an argument between me and my wife. Her mother got involved in the matter and she said something inappropriate to me which made me lose control of myself and I said to her: Your daughter is divorced, divorced, divorced (taaliq, taaliq, taaliq). I also got in touch with her father and said to him: Your daughter is divorced (taaliq). Then I went to my wife in her room and I said to her: You are divorced (taaliq). All of this was because of something inappropriate that her mother said, which made me do this thing without intending to divorce her. My wife and I regretted it the following day. My wife asked one of the shaykhs and he said to her: When is the last time he had intercourse with you? She said: One day before the divorce. He said: Then the divorce does not count as such. What is your opinion?.

Praise be to Allaah.

One should beware of using the word of divorce (talaaq), because divorce is not prescribed for the sake of expressing anger or revenge; rather it is prescribed in the case of need, to dissolve the firm covenant, which is marriage. If every time the husband gets angry he speaks of divorce, then divorce may take place and his wife will become irrevocably divorced from him, and that will be the cause of his family being split up without him intending that. 

Secondly: 

Divorce as prescribed in sharee‘ah is when the man divorces his wife when she is pregnant or during a period of purity during which he has not had intercourse with her. As for divorce during a period of purity in which he has had intercourse with her, this is an innovated divorce (talaaq bid‘i), but does it count as such or not? The majority of scholars are of the view that it does count as such, just as the majority of them are of the view that divorce during the ‘iddah also counts as such. If a man gives his wife one divorce and she begins the ‘iddah, then he comes back and divorces her a second time, then divorce has taken place a second time. If he comes back and divorces her a third time, then she is irrevocably divorced from him and she is not permissible for him to marry until she has been married to another husband. 

Thus it should be clear to you that the matter is serious and that this word that came out of your mouth has consequences. 

Some of the scholars are of the view that divorce during a period of purity in which the husband had intercourse with the wife does not count as such. This is the view favoured by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) and his student Ibn al-Qayyim. It is also mentioned in the fatwas of a number of contemporary scholars. 

In Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (20/58) it says: There are different kinds of innovated divorce, such as the husband divorcing his wife during her menses or nifaas, or during a period of purity in which he has had intercourse with her. The correct view concerning this is that it does not count as such. End quote. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Allah has prescribed that women should (only) be divorced at times of purity when they are free of nifaas and menses, when the husband has not had intercourse with her during that period of purity. This is the proper, shar‘i divorce. If he divorces her during her menses or nifaas, or during a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her, then this divorce is bid‘ah, and does not count as such according to the correct scholarly opinion, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)! When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘Iddah (prescribed periods)”

[al-Talaaq 65:1]. 

What is meant is when they are pure and the husband has not had intercourse with them during that period of purity. This is the view of the scholars concerning the meaning of the phrase ‘divorce them at their ‘Iddah (prescribed periods)’. They should be pure, with no intercourse having taken place during the period of purity, or pregnant. This is divorce at the prescribed periods. 

End quote from Fataawa al-Talaaq, p. 44 

Based on this view, none of the divorces you issued is valid or counted as such. 

And Allah knows best.

He divorced her and took her back three times during pregnancy

I am a young woman; my husband divorced me when I was one month pregnant, then he took me back one month after the divorce. Then we had some marital problems and he divorced me again, when I was six months pregnant. Then he took me back after that, then he divorced me when I was eight months pregnant. What is the ruling on divorce in this case?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Divorce (talaaq) during pregnancy is a valid divorce and counts as such. If a man divorces his wife when she is pregnant, then her ‘iddah lasts until she gives birth, and he may take her back during her pregnancy. If he divorces her a second time during the pregnancy, the divorce counts as such. If he takes her back then divorces her again during the pregnancy, this also counts as such and she becomes irrevocably divorced from him, so she is not permissible for him until she has been married to another husband. 

What is commonly thought by some people is that divorce of a pregnant woman does not count as such, but there is no basis for that. 

Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: If a man divorces his wife once or twice when she is pregnant, then he has more right to take her back so long as she has not given birth. This is what Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allaah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allaah and the Last Day” [al-Baqarah 2:228]. This was narrated by Ibn Jareer al-Tabari in his Tafseer, 2/448, and by al-Bayhaqi, 7/367 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: Is it permissible to divorce a pregnant wife or not? 

He replied: There is nothing wrong with divorcing a pregnant wife. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar, when he divorced his wife when she was menstruating: “Take her back and keep her until she becomes pure, then menstruates, then becomes pure, then menstruates, then divorce her if you wish when she is pure before you are intimate with her or she is pregnant.” End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: What is strange is that some of the common folk think that divorce during pregnancy does not count as such, but I do not know where they get this idea. Divorce during pregnancy does count as such; even if a man were to have intercourse with her when she was pregnant and divorce her before doing ghusl from janaabah, the divorce would count as such. So divorce of a pregnant woman is one of the most certain kinds of divorce. End quote from al-Liqa’ al-Shahri, 3/495 

And Allah knows best.

What is the ruling on a husband who says to his wife, “Your bed is haraam for me” in order to deter her from doing something?.

Praise be to Allaah.

This wording may be understand as referring to zihaar (a jaahili form of divorce), or it may be understood as referring to talaaq (divorce), or it may be understood as an oath. 

That depends on the intention of the husband who spoke these words, because he knows what he intended when he said that. 

If what he meant was that his wife was haraam for him, like his mother’s back, then this is zihaar, and it is not permissible for him to approach his wife until he has offered the expiation for zihaar, which Allaah has mentioned in the verse where He said (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And those who make unlawful to them (their wives) by Zihaar and wish to free themselves from what they uttered, (the penalty) in that case is the freeing of a slave before they touch each other. That is an admonition to you (so that you may not repeat such an ill thing). And Allaah is All‑Aware of what you do.

4. And he who finds not (the money for freeing a slave) must fast two successive months before they both touch each other. And he who is unable to do so, should feed sixty Masaakeen (poor). That is in order that you may have perfect faith in Allaah and His Messenger. These are the limits set by Allaah. And for disbelievers, there is a painful torment”

[al-Mujaadilah 58:3,4] 

If he intended by these words that divorce (talaaq) should take place, then it counts as a divorce, If it is the first or second talaaq then he may take his wife back so long as her ‘iddah has not yet ended. If it is a third talaaq then she is not permissible for him until she has been married to another husband. 

If he intended to prevent himself from sleeping in her bed, and he did not intend zihaar or talaaq, then it is an oath. If he breaks it, he must offer kafaarat yameen (expiation for breaking an oath), which Allaah mentions in the verse where He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Allaah will not punish you for what is unintentional in your oaths, but He will punish you for your deliberate oaths; for its expiation (a deliberate oath) feed ten Masaakeen (poor persons), on a scale of the average of that with which you feed your own families, or clothe them or manumit a slave. But whosoever cannot afford (that), then he should fast for three days. That is the expiation for the oaths when you have sworn. And protect your oaths (i.e. do not swear much). Thus Allaah makes clear to you His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) that you may be grateful”

[al-Maa’idah 5:89]. 

See the answer to question no. 45676 for detail on the rulings on the expiation for breaking an oath. 

And Allaah knows best.