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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Khadija Watson's Journey of Faith

She is an American from California. Her card gives you some clue: "Khadija Watson, ex-professor of theology." She has a BA and an MA in theology. She was an ordained, licensed minister, a Christian missionary who spent seven years preaching in the Philippines.

That was six years ago. Today she is a Muslim and a teacher at Al-Hamra Islamic Education Foundation in Jeddah. When she first visited her children in the United States in an "Abaya" and "Hijab," they screamed, "Oh Mom! You look like a terrorist!"
Khadija never thought in her wildest dreams that she would become a Muslim. "I had no inclination toward Islam. I had been taught that Islam was satanic and demonic!" What changed her mind? When she studied church history and learned that the idea of the trinity was introduced 325 years after Jesus Christ, Khadija's professors could not give her satisfactory explanations. She was also concerned that if what they taught was true, why was it making no difference to society which was growing steadily worse?
While in the Philippines, where Khadija worked as a missionary and taught as a professor in two colleges, she enrolled in a German language class. There she met a Filipino, who impressed her because he was so kind and gentle. He always carried a plastic bag from which he distributed coins to the beggars in the street. He had been in Dubai and had converted to Islam. In the same classroom was a Filipina, who had been in Saudi Arabia and had converted to Islam. She was always covered.
Khadija said she was shocked! "I could not believe I had met two Christians in one week, who had become Muslims. Especially, a woman! I was under the impression, like so many Westerners, that Islam considered women second-class citizens and that their husbands locked them up and beat them!"
The Filipina told Khadija about the beauty of Islam and how it was a liberator of women and a protector of women's rights. Khadija realized that women were actually more abused in the West. "In the United States, every four minutes a woman is beaten by her spouse or partner so badly that she needs to go to the emergency room. In the UK, the same thing happens every two minutes. These statistics are based on reported cases only!"
Khadija felt a stirring in her heart. Could she have been wrong about Islam? The Filipina suggested that Khadija visit the Islamic Center. "I prayed and asked the Lord to show me if Islam was wrong. Then I went to the Islamic Center. Their approach shocked me. As a missionary, I was familiar with many evangelical strategies and methods. These Muslims used nothing. There was no harassment, no psychological manipulation and no subliminal suggestion. They simply gave me some books and told me they would answer any questions I had."
It was the first time Khadija had read books about Islam written by Muslims. She was surprised to find Allah is One, the Sustainer, the Merciful, the Ever-Present!
"There was no go-between, no priest. I went back to the Islamic Center the very next day and guess what?" Khadija said, resorting to her wonderful sense of humour. "They gave me more books!" After many hours of reading and over 15 discussions, Khadija was convinced of the authenticity of the Holy Qur'an. "The Bible has more than 66 books, 40 authors and was written in several different languages. The Holy Qur'an has not changed as the Bible has."
She became a Muslim and chose the name Khadija. "Because, like Khadija, I was a widow. I embraced Islam at about the same age as she was when she converted. I also have nine children as she had." Khadija lost all her friends and most of her family after becoming a Muslim. "My in-laws, who were from the Philippines, and had a very warm relationship with me even after my husband died, totally shunned me. My children who were good Christians because I had worked hard on them, had emergency meeting on how to bring mom back to her senses!"
Khadija's 18-year-old son, however, became a Muslim. "Something I could not believe. He was into music and dating and was not ready for any kind of religion. I used to leave books for him to read, but I found them untouched. But I prayed a lot for him - and all my children - to become Muslim. Later, when he converted to Islam, he confessed that he had read all the books and kept me from knowing. He was the one who went to Makkah first. When he came back, he told me excitedly, 'Mom, you will love Saudi Arabia. All the women dress like you!"
 By: Sameen Khan
[From: Muslim World League Journal]


Following note from Learning Quran online Blog


Learn holy Quran online which it self states in it that only those who are learn quran and pure should touch the holy text: This is indeed a Quran in Arabic in a book well-guarded, which none shall touch but those who are clean (56:77-79).  One should make formal ablutions before handling or Quran reading and this the quran tutor should tell in his quran teaching when quran for kids lessons are going on. After intercourse or menstrual bleeding one should not touch the holy Quran or do quran recitation and also not do quran memorization until after bathing non-Muslim should not handle the sacred text, but may listen to Quran online or read quran translation or exegesis. With all these things in mind when one is not reading or reciting holy Quran it should be closed and stored in nice and clean place, it should never be placed on floor or in a bathroom and Muslim should focus on reading quran the tajweed quran and its rules with a proper institute.

End of the note by holy Quran reciter                              


Mayor of Diamond Bar City Embraces Islam

Former Mayor of Diamond Bar City embraces Islam in presence of a large gathering in Islamic Education Center, Los Angeles, July 31, 2002: The former Mayor and City Council member Mrs. Eileen Aziz Ansari reverted to Islam by declaring the Shahada "I bear witness that there is none worth worshipping except One God (ALLAH) and I bear witness that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the servant and last Messenger of Allah".

A large gathering of 150 Muslims in the Islamic Education Center on Tuesday, July 30, 2002 after the Maghrib (sunset) prayers surrounded her to witness this moment of joy and happiness.

The director of the center Dr. Ahmad Sakr welcomed the community leaders and other distinguished guests, who responded to participate with few hours notice. The other leaders who could not make it due to other engagements sent their congratulations and best wishes through e-mail and telephone calls. It includes Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi, former President of Islamic Society of North America (ISNA), and Dr. Yahia Abdul Rahman, Chairman of Islamic Shura (Consultative) Council of Southern California (ISCSC), Imam Saadiq Saafir, Director of Ilm Foundation and Vice Chairman of ISCSC and Hussam Ayloush, Executive Director of Council of American Islamic Relations (CAIR) and others.

 Mrs. Eileen Aziz Ansari has been happily married to Dr. Aziz Ansari a physician for the past 34 years and has three grown up children, who were raised as Muslims. She expressed her deep appreciation and thanks for all the community support and their best wishes.

All speakers reminded the audience that Mrs. Eileen Ansari has been a longtime supporter of Muslim causes and actively contributed towards the better understanding of the Muslims and Islam in this Country. Mr. Asad Khan, the President of the Islamic Education Center also said that Mrs. Eileen Ansari would be a very valuable asset to the Muslim Community.

The event concluded with another testimony by Mrs. Gina Abed, who took Shahada and reverted to Islam. She is also an educator, dietician and computer science professional. She is happily married to Mr. Imad Abed over the past ten years.


From learning Quran online Blog

And important note that we want to discuss and share with you it is about Quran reading and doing Quran recitation online to understand it, Ramadan is the month when the beautiful the Holy Quran has been revealed.  A miracle by the creator of the worlds, Allah (SWT)  Should we not glorify him by reading quran the gift he has sent down for us and learn Arabic Quran by heart  to feel the power of it and we as Muslim should try to learn quran with translation to understand it  wile we do Quran memorization and let our heart fill will tears of glory and wash away our sins in the month of Ramadan many people teach quran  and we should participate in teaching quran as much as we could because it is the noble cause to spread the word of Allah and the quran tutor will get the reword in the day of judgment “Will they not meditate on the Quran, or are there locks on the hearts”, Quran for kids , Surah Muhammad, Verse 24. Here is an interesting tajweed quran reciter where you can listen to quran from top Koran reciters and read the Koran with different translation and plz link to it and share it to promote islam

End from online Quran reciter blog

Qur'an Wins Heart of US Professor

Dr. Jeffrey Lang is an Associate Professor of Mathematics at the University of Kansas, one of the biggest universities in the United States. He started his religious journey on Jan 30, 1954, when he was born in a Roman Catholic family in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

The first 18 years of his life were spent in Catholic schools, which left him with many unanswered questions about God and the Christian religion, Lang said, as he narrated his story of Islam.
"Like most kids back in the late 60s and early 70s, I started questioning all the values that we had at those times, political, social and religious," Lang said. "I rebelled against all the institutions that society held sacred including the Catholic Church," he said.
By the time he reached the age of 18, Lang had become a full-fledged atheist. "If there is a God, and he is all merciful and all loving, then why is there suffering on this earth? Why does not He just take us to heaven? Why create all these people to suffer?" Such were the questions that came up in his mind in those days.
As a young lecturer in mathematics at San Francisco University, Lang found his religion where God is finally a reality. That was shown to him by a few of the Muslim friends he had met at the university. "We talked about religion. I asked them my questions, and I was really surprised by how carefully they had thought out their answers," Lang said.
Dr. Lang met Mahmoud Qandeel, a regal looking Saudi student who attracted the attention of the entire class the moment he walked in. When Lang asked a question about medical research, Qandeel answered the question in perfect English and with great self assurance.
 Everyone knew Qandeel-the mayor, the police chief and the common people. Together the professor and the student went to all the glittering places where "there was no joy or happiness, only laughter."
Yet at the end Qandeel surprisingly gave him a copy of the Qur'an and some books on Islam. Lang read the Qur'an on his own, found his way to the student-run prayer hall at the university, and basically surrendered without much struggle.
He was conquered by the Qur'an. The first two chapters are an account of that encounter and it is a fascinating one.
"Painters can make the eyes of a portrait appear to be following you from one place to another, but which author can write a scripture that anticipates your daily vicissitudes?... Each night I would formulate questions and objections and somehow discover the answer the next day. It seemed that the author was reading my ideas and writing in the appropriate lines in time for my next reading. I have met myself in its pages..."
Lang performs the daily five-time prayers regularly and finds much spiritual satisfaction. He finds the Fajr (pre-dawn) prayer as one of the most beautiful and moving rituals in Islam. "It is as if you temporarily leave this world and communicate with the angels in singing God's praises before dawn."
To the question how he finds it so captivating when the recitation of the Qur'an is in Arabic, which is totally foreign to him, he responds; "Why is a baby comforted by his mother's voice?" He said reading the Qur'an gave him a great deal of comfort and strength in difficult times. From there on, faith was a matter of practice for Lang's spiritual growth.
On the other hand, Lang pursued a career in mathematics. He received his master's and doctoral degrees from Purdue University. Lang said that he had always been fascinated by mathematics. "Maths is logical. It consists of using facts and figures to find concrete answers," Lang said. "That is the way my mind works, and it is frustrating when I deal with things that do not have concrete answerers."
 Having a mind that accepts ideas on their factual merit makes believing in a religion difficult because most religions require acceptance by faith, he said. Islam appeals to man's reasoning, he said.
As faculty advisor for the Muslim Student Association, Lang said he viewed himself as the liaison between the student and their universities. He gets approval from university authorities to hold Islamic lectures. "The object of being their faculty advisor is to help them get their needs met as far as adjusting to the American culture and to procedures of the university. They appreciate the opportunity to have misconceptions corrected," he said.
Lang married a Saudi Muslim woman, Raika, 12 years ago. Lang has written several Islamic books which are best sellers among the Muslim community in the US. One of his important books is "Even Angels ask; A journey to Islam in America". In this book, Dr. Lang shares with his readers the many insights that have unfolded for him through his self discovery and progress within the religion of Islam.

From learning Quran online Blog

To all Muslim we should listen to Quran  and try to  learn Quran online  with translation  to understand the holy scripture and it is must for us to read Quran online, and availing the knowledge through learning Arabic Quran this is the main deauty that we have to promote and learn holy quran so that the true words of Allah should be spread we should  try  to learn quran tafseer the translation as well so we could explain and understand that what ever te quran tutor teaches more articles can be found under learning Quran online Blog a recourse full collection of hadith bukhari shrif and a read  Quran online or you can listen holy Quran recitation for top quran reciters and you can find Quran for kids and quran teaching staff online to learn quran from where ever you want to learn the teaching of Koran and they provide tajweed quran lessons and Quran memorization classes well plz link to it and share it to promote the teachings of islam

End from free Download quran blog

Islam’s pivotal role in Europe's intellectual and cultural rebirth

None of the great intellectual and cultural movements of the West, like the Renaissance, the Protestant Reformation, the Enlightenment of the 18th century CE and the Romantic Movement of the 19th century CE, could have been possible without Europe's connection with Islamic thought and culture, and Islam's impact on Europe through Spain, southern France and southern Italy.

"Islam," writes Stanwood Cobb, "impinging culturally upon adjacent Christian countries, was the virtual creator of the Renaissance in Europe".

"It was Islam which had transformed mediaeval, intolerant Europe into a new and modern, rationalist, humanist, tolerant and scientific Europe. Freedom of thought and expression were unknown in the mediaeval Europe dominated by the Catholic Church; scientific speculation was taboo!" (Islamic Contribution to Civilization)

The Renaissance marked the beginning of a new phase in civilization, where new thought and culture came into being. The impact of Islamic civilization on Europe laid the foundation for a new, modern civilization in the West. The question arises as to how the great change in Europe came about. The popular theory (which has no historical basis) that with the capture of Constantinople by the Turks in 1453 CE, Greek scholars came over to Italy and with them the era of light and learning started, is rejected by all honest scholars of the West. 

The distinguished historian, Robert Briffault, writes in his well-known work The Making of Humanity: “The light from which civilization was once more rekindled did not arise from any embers of Greco-Roman culture smoldering amid the ruins of Europe, or from the living death on the Bosphorus (Byzantine Empire) It did not come from the Northern but from the Southern invaders of the Empire, from the Saracens!! It was under the influence of the Arabian and Moorish revival of culture, and not in the 15th century CE, that the real Renaissance took place. Spain, not Italy, was the cradle of the rebirth of Europe.”

The period between the end of the 10th century and the 12th century CE was marked by the dominance of Arab thought and civilization in southern Europe.

"The greatest achievements of antiquity were due to the Greek Western genius," writes George Sarton, a distinguished historian, "the greatest achievements of the Middle Ages were due to the Muslim Eastern genius. During this period (1100-1250 CE) 'the West was assimilating the East."

"It was then,” continues Sarton, "that the conflicting cultures were brought most closely together, especially the Christian and Muslim, and that their inter-penetration constituted the solid core of the new Europe."

The view of Sarton was supported by Condorcet, one of the most enlightened thinkers of the French Age of Reason and Enlightenment, who acknowledged Europe's debt to the Muslim Arabs in these words: "They (Arabs) translated Aristotle and studied his works: they cultivated astronomy, optics, and the various branches of medicine and enriched these sciences with new truths. We owe to them the spread of the use of Algebra. With the Arabs the sciences were free, and this freedom was due to their success in reviving some sparks of the Greek genius…. People learnt the Arabic language, they read Arab writings…."

Post-Renaissance Western civilization is not a Christian civilization. In its foundational ideal and values, such as the dignity of man, man's rationality, unity and equality of mankind, humanism, liberalism, human freedom and human rights, science, technology and industrialism and, above all, the rule of law and justice, it is closer to Islam's moral, social and legal ideals than to mediaeval Christianity.

Islam affirms freedom of religion and enjoins the duty of justice to one and all without any racial or religious prejudices and hatred. Modern civilization is no longer merely Western. All nations, without distinction of race and religion, accept and enshrine in their constitution all the moral, social, economic and legal ideals of the contemporary civilization as enshrined in the United Nations' Charter and in the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

All these are explicitly declared in Islam's Holy Book, The Quran, and were proclaimed by the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in his sayings and through his actions, especially in his farewell address at his last pilgrimage. This address may be considered the first charter of human rights, wherein the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) declared the unity and equality of humankind, and put an end to all the primitive, barbarous and inhuman traditions and customs of the Age of Ignorance, such as tribal pride, prejudice, hatred and female infanticide.

Learning quran and understand the teaching of quran

Learn Quran it brings happiness in this world and the Here after. Reading quran online inspires a man to explore the Arabic quran teachings in a new manner and see the world in a different way the way of truth and guidance. Learn holy Quran it brings happiness in this world and the world after death. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: If you desire the life of the fortunate, the death of a martyr, the salvation on the Day of Regret and the shade on the Day of Extreme Heat, then you should study the Quranic education because it is the word of the Merciful, a sanctuary from Shaytaan and a causes the tilting of the Balance. It is the deputy of every Muslim to spread the word of justice let teach kids quran from the beginning the quran quida  and ask then for listening to quran online from different reciter’s and learn quran tafsir and the quranic tafseer with translation and let the do quran memorization   and learn tajweed quran rules from quran tutor and guide them to spread the word of peace 

A - Worshipping Allaah Alone:

This is the reason behind Allaah's creating all that exists: Angels, Jinn, mankind, heavens, earth and animals etc. Allaah created everything only to worship Him alone. He Said, (what means): "See you not that to Allaah prostrates whoever is in the heavens and whoever is on the earth, and the sun, and the moon, and the stars, and the mountains, and the trees, and the animals, and many of mankind? But there are many (men) on whom the punishment is justified. And whomsoever Allaah disgrace, none can honor him. Verily! Allaah does what He will." [Quran 28:18]

He also said about the Angels, (what means): "Surely, those who are with your Lord (angels) are never too proud to perform acts of worship to Him, but they glorify His praise and prostrate before Him." [Quran 7:206]. And (what means): "There is not a thing but glorifies His praise. But you understand not their glorification." [Quran17:44]

 There are many other verses with this meaning.

Allaah sent the Prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention, and sent down revelations to them for the above reasons. He said, (what means): "And verily, We have sent among every nation a Messenger (proclaiming): "Worship Allaah (Alone), and avoid Taghoot (all false deities)." [Quran 16:36]

 Prophet Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) ,  was the last Messenger sent by Allaah to all nations, with the goal of worshipping Allaah Alone. He commanded people to worship Allaah Alone, taking no partners with Him in worship.

B - Establishing Allaah's Proof:

Allaah's Sunnah (way) with regard to His creation is that not all humans, rather, only a few of them are rightly guided. The most important role for the Messenger, sallallaahu  ‘alayhi wa sallam, is to warn the disbelievers and rebellious Muslims. Allaah Says, (what means): "Verily, We have inspired you (O Muhammad) as We inspired Noah and the Prophets after him; We (also) inspired Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, And al-Asbat (the twelve sons of Jacob), Jesus, Job, Jonah, Aaron, and Solomon, and to David We gave the Psalms. And Messengers We have mentioned to you before, and Messengers We have not mentioned to you, and to Moses Allaah spoke directly. Messengers are bearers of good news as well as of warning in order that mankind should have no plea against Allaah after the Messengers. And Allaah is Ever All-Powerful, All-Wise." [Quran 4:163-165]

What Allaah meant by (what means): "In order that mankind should have no plea against Allaah after the Messengers" [Quran 4: 163-165] is that, on the Day of Judgment, they will not be able to use the excuse of not having a warner from Allaah during their lifetimes. This excuse will not justify their continuing disbelief. The fact that Allaah has sent the Messengers, may Allaah exalt their mention, will invalidate all excuses that the disbelievers may use on the Day of Resurrection.

Allaah says to His Messenger  may  Allaah  exalt  his  mention (what means): "Your duty is to convey (the Message)." [Quran 42:48]. And (what means): "The Messenger's duty is but to convey the Message." [Quran 5:99] This applies to the Message of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention )  to the disbelievers. He only had to deliver the Message that Allaah sent him with, explain to them their obligations to Allaah and warn them of eternal torment if they insisted on rebellion and disbelief.

Allaah says, (what means): "Say: Obey Allaah and obey the Messenger, but if you turn away, he is only responsible for the duty placed on him (to convey the Message) and you for that placed on you. If you obey him, you shall be on the right guidance. The Messenger's duty is only to convey (the Message) in a clear way." [Quran 24:54]

This Ayah (verse) explains the goals of the Message, the essence of what it contains and the role of the Messenger, sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam, and the community he was sent to. The role of the Messenger  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention )  was to deliver the Message, and the role of those receiving the Message was to hurry to the obedience of Allaah and His Messenger  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ); if they refused then Allaah's punishment will be justly theirs. 

Allaah Says, (what means): "Say (O, Muhammad to the disbelievers): My Lord pays attention to you only because of your invocation to Him. But now you have indeed denied (Him). So the torment will be yours forever." [Quran 25:77] This means that the punishment of Allaah will certainly be felt by those who reject the Message of the Prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention, after being aware of them.

C - Establishing a Muslim Nation:

Allaah Says, (what means): "He it is Who sent among the unlettered ones a Messenger (Muhammad) from among themselves, purifying them, and teaching them the Book (this Quran), and Al-Hikmah (the Sunnah). And verily, they had been before in manifest error." [Quran 62:2]

The Message of Prophet Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) was a fulfillment of the prayers of Ibraaheem (Abraham) and Ismaa'eel (may Allaah exalt their mention. They said, while raising the building of the Kaa'bah in Makkah (what means): "Our Lord! Send amongst them a Messenger of their own, who shall recite unto them Your verses and instruct them in the Book (the Quran) and Al-Hikmah, and sanctify them. Verily! You are the All-Mighty, the All-Wise." [Quran 2:129]

Allaah accepted their prayer and sent this honorable Prophet Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) and established for him the best nation ever, as Allaah Himself proclaimed (what means): "You (true believers in Islam) are the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind, you enjoin righteousness and forbid evil, and you believe in Allaah." [Quran 3:110]

Allaah praised the Prophet's companions  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  them in many verses in the Quran, (which mean) : "Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah, and those who are with him are severe against disbelievers, and merciful among themselves. You see them bowing and falling down prostrate (in prayer), seeking Bounty from Allaah and (His) Good Pleasure. The mark of them is on their faces (foreheads) from the traces of (their) prostration (during prayers). This is their description in the Torah. But their description in the Gospel is like a (sown) seed which sends forth its shoot, then makes it strong, it then becomes thick, and it stands straight on its stem, delighting the sowers - that He may enrage the disbelievers with them. Allaah has promised those among them who believe and do righteous good deeds, forgiveness and a mighty reward." [Quran 48:29]

D - Making Islam (The Message Of Allaah) Dominant:

The fourth reason for sending Prophet Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention )  is to establish Islam as the dominant religion above all, till the Day of Judgment. Allaah Says, (what means): "He it is Who has sent His Messenger (Muhammad) with Guidance and the Religion of Truth (Islam), that He may establish (make) it (Islam) superior over all religions. And All-Sufficient is Allaah as a Witness." [Quran 48:28] 

And also (what means): "It is He Who has sent His Messenger with Guidance and the Religion of Truth to establish (make) it superior over all religions even though the Polytheists hate (it)." [Quran 9:33]

To establish it means to make its domination clear above all religions. Allaah made this promise a reality whenever the Muslims sought victory, equipped with the right belief. A look at the past will show that Muslims conquered all the powers and religions of the world by using their reasoning first, and then using the sword.

Reading Quran and reflecting over the Quran Is our Duty

Read quran and it will guided us to the true teaching of The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) he summarized the religion of Islam with this statement: “The Religion is naseehah (sincerity)!” So then Tameem ibn Aws, may Allah be pleased with him, then said, “We asked, ‘To whom?’” He said: “To Allah, HIS BOOK holy quran, His Messenger, the leaders of the people, and their common folk.” [Muslim] so to study the religion people should go to the source of and source of Islam is the quran so learning quran and reading quran with the meaning the quran tafsir and then explore the words of wisdom. And for the Muslims the sincerity that is due to the Book of Allah includes doing the quran recitation, listening to quran along with learning the tajweed rules and reciting it beautifully, letting our kids learn quran learning holy quran tafseer and the reasons for its revelation, affirming that it is the Truth, the perfect Speech of Allah and not part of the creation, honoring it and defending it, abiding by the orders and prohibitions found in it and teaching quran to spread the word or truth and calling to it. So by learning quran education online and reflecting over the Quran online, one fulfills an obligation and is rewarded for that. Upon fulfilling this obligation, the Quran then becomes a proof for him on the Day of Judgment! And that is our second benefit we will take by embracing this Noble Book...

Friday, December 9, 2011

Polygyny Not Polygamy

Polygyny Not Polygamy

Webster’s New World Dictionary defines polygamy as "the practice of having two or more wives or husbands at the same time."  Since Muslim women are not allowed to have two or more husbands, let’s find a better word:  polygyny.  The same dictionary defines polygyny as "a practice of having two or more wives at the same time."


Polygyny was practiced, often without limitations, in almost all cultures. Various religions approved of it and practiced it before and after Islam. Several of the Prophets, mentioned in the Torah and the Bible, had more than one wife.  Today it is being secretly practiced by at least 30,000 middle-class Mormons in the USA.  However, it is no secret that polygyny of another sort is also being practiced in America and Europe:  the practice of having a mistress or mistresses.  The difference is that while the non-Muslim male has no legal obligations or responsibilities towards his second, third or fourth mistresses and their children, a Muslim husband has complete legal obligations and responsibilities towards his second, third, or fourth wife and their children.

In Islam, there is no doubt that a second wife, who is legally married and treated kindly, is better off than a mistress who has no legal rights.  In addition, the legitimate child of a polygynous father, who has all the rights and privileges of a son or daughter, is better off than the unwanted or wanted illegitimate child.

As for possible reasons why polygyny is allowed in Islam, one should keep in mind that Islam is very practical in the way that it addresses life’s problems. It is a fact that wars usually take their toll mainly on men, leaving behind widows and women who can not find husbands. Polygyny provides a solution to this problem of a male shortage.

A man who discovers that his wife is barren or is chronically ill, but who wishes to have children of his own or satisfy his natural instinct in a legitimate way, while still caring for his first wife, could turn to polygyny as a solution. Allah (SWT) says in the Qur'an:

"And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice." (An-Nisa’ 4:3)

From this verse it becomes clear that polygyny is not mandatory, but is permitted and is Sunnah.  Dealing justly with one’s wives is an obligation and this applies to housing, food, clothing, kind treatment, etc.  If a husband is not sure of being able to deal justly with them, then he is commanded to marry only one.

Information  From Questions and Answers About Women’s Rights In Islam

Compiled By Lea Zaitoun

Polygyny in Islam

There is no doubt, that no woman relishes the thought of sharing her husband with another and that plural marriages provide a bases for jealousies to arise. However, the laws of Islam always give precedence to the general welfare of society over individual discomfort or personal preferences.  Hence, the Islamic marriage system includes polygyny to protect and provide for the ever present surplus or females in most human societies.  The institution of polygyny in the Islamic marriage system also takes into account certain undeniable aspects of human nature which affect male-female relationships. These aspects represent the natural instincts which must be present in order for men to be prepared and able to provide for the physical and emotional needs of the surplus females in society.

Conditions That Must Be Met

Certain conditions are attached to plural marriage in Islam, in order to protect the women involved because it is invariably the women who are taken advantage of in such relationships.  For example, a man may not have more than four wives at a time and each marriage contract is legal and binding, involving the same rights, responsibilities and obligations as the first contract. That is, wife number one is not the mother or chief of all subsequent wives, nor is wife number four allowed preferential treatment at the expense of the other wives.  Each individual marriage contract carries the same amount of weight in an Islamic court of law and thus men are not allowed to openly attach greater importance to one at the expense of the other.  Such behaviour would not be equitable treatment and might even be construed as oppression.

In fact the Prophet (SAW) was reported to have said:

"Whoever has two wives and leans unduly to one of them will come on the Day of Judgment with half of his body leaning." [Sunan Abu Dawud, Reported by Abu Hurairah (RA)]

So the man must live with all of his wives on a footing of equality and kindness.  In fact, the whole question of permissibility of plural marriages in Islam is tied to a given man’s ability to deal unjustly with all his wives in terms of his time and wealth.

Love and Marriage

Love, as it is known in the West, is not a prerequisite for marriage in Islam. Hence, the concept of plural marriages does not have as emotionally devastating an effect on true Muslim women as it would have on their non-Muslim counterparts, except where western influences are great. The most important factor in a truly Islamic marriage is the piety of the partners involved.  This fact was alluded to by the Prophet (SAW) in the following statement:

"A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property (wealth), her rank (lineage), her beauty and her religion.  However, you should marry the one who is religious and you will be satisfied."

[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Reported by Abu Hurairah (RA)]

Besides the reasons mentioned above, a woman may also marry for other reasons, such as security, offspring and companionship. However, love usually follows marriage, so it is better to marry a religious, pious, disciplined man and love for Allah’s (SWT) pleasure rather than to develop a pre-marital romantic fixation which often fades in time due to the inevitable trials of marriage.

Due to the emphasis on romantic love within western culture, it is difficult for people (Muslims included) to comprehend the concept of love after marriage; love for the sake of Allah (SWT) and love built on the virtues of loyalty, trust and faith in Allah (SWT).  According to Islamic tradition, the Prophet (SAW) and his companions married for a variety of reasons.  They married widows with children, divorced women and captives of war in order to consolidate and reconcile groups to the Islamic cause, in addition to marrying for the normal reasons which men marry for.

Islam as it was revealed to the Prophet (SAW) is a complete way of life which leaves no aspect of life without regulations, enabling Muslims whether male or female to stay on the correct path.  Hence, if a man is able to care for and take care of more than one wife justly, there is no sin on him if he does so. On the contrary, he should be commended for following the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) and fulfilling his role as a guardian of women.

Nevertheless, we must bow to the fact that love is destined by Allah (SWT) and can not be forced to appear where Allah (SWT) has not willed it. This situation is analogous to friendships which exist among members of the same sex.  We admit to having or having had deeper feelings for one or more of our friends than others, due to greater similarity in interests or greater compatibility for whatever reasons.  Similarly, parents may actually be fonder of one or more of their children than others among them;  however, parents usually refrain from showing this inclination openly and Islam forbids it. Nonetheless, our various friendships are not negated by an inevitable greater intimacy with some of our friends over others, nor does a greater inclination toward one child negate the love that is felt for all.  Man is unable to control his emotions in the ultimate sense.  They arise in him when he least expects them, hence, he can not willfully decide where his heart is going to lodge. The fact that man has no real control over love and affection is supported by a number of Qur'anic verses.  Allah (SWT) says:

"…and know that Allah comes in between a person and his heart…"

(Al-Anfal 8:24)

Allah (SWT) also says in the Qur'an:

"And He had united their (i.e. believers’) hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have united their hearts, but Allah has united them. Certainly He is All-Mighty, All-Wise." (Al-Anfal 8:63)

An illustration of this fact can be seen in a narration from Umar ibn al-Khattab  (RA) in which he said,

"When I once said, ‘O Messenger of Allah (SAW), what if I went to Hafsah (RA) and said to her, do not be misled because your co-wife and neighbour [Aishah (RA)] is more beautiful and beloved to the Prophet (SAW).’ He [the Prophet (SAW)] smiled approvingly." (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

In another narration, Aishah (RA) stated,

"Allah’s Messenger (SAW) used to divide his time equally amongst us and would pray, ‘O Allah, this is my division in what I possess, so please do not hold me to blame for the division (of affection) which only You control.’" (Sunan Abu Dawud)

Both Hadiths refer to the greater feelings that the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was known to have had for one of his wives over the others.  Yet, in spite of his emotional inclinations, he divided his time and wealth equally among all of them.  Thus it is recommended, based on the example of the Prophet (SAW), that all men married to more than one wife be equal in the division that they are capable of controlling, namely time and wealth.

Equitable Treatment in Regards to Time and Wealth NOT Love

The importance of equitable treatment in regard to time and wealth can not be overstressed as it is the major factor excluding the established pre-requisites for marriage, in general, that a man can weigh and assess in his day to day inter-action with his wives.  Unfortunately, there are some modern day Muslims, under the influences of western thought, who have misinterpreted some Qur'anic verses in order to support their arguments for monogamy and the abolition of polygyny.  However, the equality referred to in Surah An-Nisa 4:3 is referring to time and money.

"…If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (time and money) with them then only one…"

(An-Nisa 4:3)

Whereas, the equality mentioned in Surah An-Nisa 4:129 refers to that which no man or woman has control over but which belongs exclusively to Allah’s (SWT) decree.

"…You will never be able to  do perfect justice  (love and sex) between wives even if it is your ardent desire." (An-Nisa 4:129)

The Prophet’s (SAW) companions, ‘Ubayadah as-Salmanee and Ibn ‘Abbas (RU), both stated that the time equality spoken of in Surah An-Nisa 4:129 refers to love and sex.  Furthermore, we must take note of the fact that even the Prophet (SAW) begged pardon for that which was not in his possession, the feelings of love, affection or sympathy which were known to be greater for one of his wives than the others.  Yes, Allah (SWT) allowed the Prophet (SAW) to marry a greater number of women than was allowed to ordinary Muslim men. Thus any attempt to forbid polygyny on the basis that a man might love one of the women more than the others is futile and baseless because this factor can not be used as a gauge for justice in Islamic plural marriages.

Time Division

The division of time amongst the wives according to Islamic law is generally made according to the nights, due to the fact that night is usually the time in which mankind relaxes from work and takes rest. During the night, people take refuge in their homes from the struggles of the outside world and men and women spend their most intimate time together.

Thus a man married to more than one wife should divide the nights among his wives while the day is his to earn a living, to take care of other people’s needs or whatever else a man wishes to do as long as it is lawful.  Whatever a man’s profession might be, he will probably be engaged in it during a major portion of the day.  The division of time is based on the time period allotted to sleep or rest.

The resting periods must be divided equally among the wives.  A man may divide the nights by giving one to each wife according to the Prophet’s (SAW) practice;  however, he may also divide them on the basis of two to each or three to each wife.  If, however, a man has four wives it would be preferable to divide his time on the basis of one night each, whereby, each wife would get a chance to be with her husband every three days.  A division on the basis of two nights would mean that each wife would only be with the husband after an interlude of six days.  Under normal circumstances, the day up until Maghrib (setting of the sun and the time of the fourth daily prayer) is considered a part of the previous night which started at Maghrib on the previous day according to the lunar calendar.

Time Rights of a New Wife

The extra free time for acquaintance given to the virgin bride is obviously needed due to the newness of marriage and sex to her, whereas the previously married bride in most cases is familiar with both and needs only a chance to become familiar with her new partner.  However, the option of seven days is also given for the widow or divorcee in order to allow for cases wherein marriage and sex may be as new to her as to the virgin. This applies in cases where her previous marriage was extremely short or even unconsummated or the lapse of time between her previous marriage and her re-marriage was great. When an already married man marries a new wife, he is allowed by law an acquaintance period with his new wife of seven consecutive days if she is a virgin and three days if she has been married previously.  He does this without making up the time for the remaining wife or wives.  This law is based on the Sahaba, Anas’ (RA) report, "It is from the Sunnah. The Prophet’s (SAW) said,

"If a man marries a virgin then he stays with the virgin wife for seven days and then divides his time equally after that. And, if he marries a woman who was previously married, not a virgin, he should stay with her for three days then divide his time equally." (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

However, if the previously married new wife requests seven days for herself, he may also do that but he must make up the full time with the other wives. Abu Bakr ibn al-Harith reported that on the following morning after the Prophet (SAW) married Umm Salamah (RA), he said to her,

"Do not feel that you are unimportant among your people, for if you wish, I will spend seven days (with you) and spend seven with the rest of my wives or if you wish, I will spend three days with you and divide the time equally after that." She replied, "Make it three." (Sahih Muslim)

Thus as soon as the new wife has been given her time right, the husband is obliged to begin dividing his time equally among the remaining wives, by drawing lots to determine with whom he will start.

Giving Up Division Rights

A wife may give up her division right to her husband, to some of his wives or all of his wives if the husband agrees.  Since it is his right to take pleasure from her, it must be with his agreement.  This principle is based upon the fact that Sawdah (RA) [one of the Prophet’s (SAW) wives] gave her day to Aishah (RA) [another one of the Prophet’s (SAW) wives].  So the Prophet (SAW) used to add the time originally allotted to Sawdah (RA) to Aishah’s (RA) time. It is narrated that when Sawdah bint Zam’ah (RA) became old and feared that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) might divorce her, she said,

"O Messenger of Allah (SAW), I give my day to Aishah." And, he accepted it. (Sunan Abu Dawud)

If the day which is given precedes or follows the day of the wife to whom the day is given, the husband may stay with that wife for two consecutive days. But if the other wives have days in between, the husband is not allowed to put the days together without the permission of the other wives. If the right is given to the husband, he may give it anyone of the wives he wishes to. However, if a wife gives up her time without giving it to another wife or to her husband, he has to divide his time equally among the remaining wives.  What is more, the wife who has given up her turn may ask for it back whenever she wishes but she has no right to what has already passed.

Residence Rights

It is preferable that each wife have separate living quarters in which the husband visits her because that was the way Allah’s Messenger (SAW) divided his time.  In view of this fact, a husband should NOT put his wives in the same house unless they agree to a communal arrangement or the house is divided into distinct and separate apartments such as might be found in a duplex.  It makes no difference whether the house is large or small if kitchen, bathroom and other facilities are shared, because living together constitutes a type of hardship on women due to the natural jealousies which are likely to arise among them.  Such living arrangements often lead to arguments and fighting which obliterate the apparent economic benefits of living together. The wives may experience jealousy when he goes to either of them or they may imagine preferences which could lead one or more of them to experience emotional harm or inhibition.  Nevertheless if they agree, it is permissible because it is their right to decide.

Travel Rights

If the husband wishes to travel and wants to or is only able to take some of his wives with him, he has to choose among them by drawing lots as all of them have equal rights to travel with him if they wish.  This principle is based on the Prophet’s (SAW) practice as narrated by his wife, Aishah (RA), wherein she said,

"Whenever the Prophet (SAW) wanted to travel, he used to draw lots among his wives and the wife whose lot came out would travel with him." (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

The husband is then not required to make up the time spent on the trip of the wife or wives who did not travel, regardless of the length of the trip. Al-Bukhari’s collection of Hadiths further mentions that on one occasion the lots came to Aishah (RA) and Hafsah (RA).  However, if he takes two wives on a trip with him by drawing lots, he has to treat them equally in all the previously mentioned aspects of division.

Spending and Clothing Rights

It is not necessary for a husband to provide his new wife with all the luxuries already possessed by his other wives right away.  However, he is required to provide her with the basic necessities according to his means and social status.  He may, if he chooses to, provide her with any amounts of gifts as part of her dowry.  However, after marriage all gifts must be balanced.

Personal allowances are not a requirement according to the Islamic law. However, if the husband decides to give one of his wives an allowance, he should give the others the same.  Similarly, gifts should be balanced. However, if he buys earrings for one and the other has no desire for earrings, he should give the cost of the earrings to her or buy her something else of equivalent value. Spending for children is not included in the division of wealth among wives.  Hence, it goes without saying that if one wife has seven children and the other wife has two that the husband must spend more in terms of food and clothing for the larger family.

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Weddings: A Time to Thank Allah

Weddings: A Time to Thank Allah

by Muhammad Ash-Shareef

of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that
you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection
and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
- Surah Ar-Rum, 21

In this time of happiness,
when gifts are received, hugs are generously donated, and laughter
sprinkles the tables, we must remember who gave this all to us.

In this verse, Yamtann
Allahu Alayna – Allah reminds of us of His favour upon us. Every
husband in this room, it is Allah that created your bride. Every
bride in this room, Allah created your husband. Allah created the
pairs and then blessed the pair with love and mercy.

Then Allah says: “Indeed
in that are signs for a people who give thought”
. Let’s take
the time now to give a little thought to Allah’s favour upon us.

Sulayman – alayhis
salam – sat his son down one day and taught him about Allah and
life. Allah mentions what he said

“And We enjoined
upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing
her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years:
Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to me is the (final) destination.”

Thank Allah:

  1. Every thing that you enjoy, everything
    that you love is from Allah:

    “And whatever
    you have of blessing (indeed) it is from Allah!”

  1. Thank Allah, remember Him and
    He will remember you. Allahu akbar!

    “Remember me and I shall remember you, and be thankful to Me and
    do not be ungrateful.”
  1. Allah will give us more when we
    are thankful:

    “And (remember)
    when your lord proclaimed, ‘if you are grateful, I will surely
    increase you; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”

I’ve heard of Muslims
that regularly donate half a million dollars to the Democratic Party
to have their picture taken with Clinton and his wife! They place
these pictures up in the middle of their homes in all pride and

Yet to every parent,
let me draw your attention the most noble picture to put up in your
home. Allah ta’ala put His majesty and every parent in this world
in a portrait: “Be grateful to Me and to your Parents!”

Scholars have said
that being grateful to Allah is to be grateful for the Iman that
He has blessed us with. And to be thankful to our parents is to
be grateful for the hard work they went through to raise us.

Ibn Abbas raa said,
“There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is
not fulfilled. (And he mentioned), “Thank Me (Allah) and your
– Luqmaan 31/14.

Ibn Abbaas continued,
“Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents,
Allah will not accept it from him.”

The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah
bin Shurayh (ra), one of the Imam’s of our Ummah, used to give classes
in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him
to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and
go feed the chickens.

Sufyan ibn Uyaynah
– one of the Ummah’s greatest scholars – said, “Whoever prays the
5 salah has been grateful to Allah. And whoever prays for his parents
after the Salah has been grateful to them.”

My mother in Law,
Ali’s mother once told me about when Ali was young. He would come
home from school, run up to her and give her the strongest hug.
Then he would top it off with, “Mummy I love you.” She would
mention the story and then let a tear drop.

As we get older, words
like ‘I love you’ become harder for us to say. Yet as much as it
becomes harder for us to say, as much as it becomes more precious
to the parents.

I ask Allah ta’ala
that we not forget this innocence, when we were without sin, when
we used to bring a smile to our parents.

Let’s keep making
them smile. And In doing so, we would be thanking Allah.

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Nurturing Marital Love

Nurturing Marital Love

By Salmaan ibn Fahd al-'Awdah

He bounded up the stairs so energetically that it was hard for me to believe that here was a man of more than eighty years. He had the vitality of a youth. Then I learned the reason why:

Though he had gotten married back in 1947 when he was about thirty years old, he was able to say to me: “I do not recall that I ever once got angry with my wife or that she was even once annoyed with me. And if I had a headache, it was impossible for her to sleep until after I fell asleep.”

Then he said with feeling: “I can never think of going out somewhere, even to purchase some household needs, without taking her with me and holding her hand. It is as if we are newlyweds.”

When, due to a medical operation, she had become unable to bear children, he said to her: “You are more precious to me than children.”

He told me: “As long as she walks upon the Earth, I could never even think of marrying anyone else.”

That man is a good example of how devotion can last even into old age. Unfortunately, when we look at the state of the majority of people of any age, we can appreciate that his relationship is a rarity indeed, a sort of ideal.

Of course, we do not have to be held to such an ideal. Moreover, we should not go to our spouses and expect them to be like that when we ourselves have so many shortcomings.

Marriage is love and affection. Allah says: “He created for you mates from among yourselves so that you can seek comfort in them and He has placed between you affection and mercy.” [Sûrah al-Rûm: 21]

This is why each sex is drawn to the other in the first place, as if each person is looking for his missing other half.

When the wife of the famous jurist Abû Rabî`ah died, he carried out her burial himself and had to wipe the dirt from his own hands. However, when he returned home, he was overcome with grief and lamented to his Lord, his eyes filling with tears: “Now…my home has died as well. The home only lives for the woman who dwells inside it.”

Marital love requires extraordinary effort from both parties if it is to last and remain vital. The difficulty of marital love does not lie in those small disagreements that are a normal part of everyday life and that all couples haves to work out. Indeed, such problems sometimes revitalize the relationship, like spice in a savory dish.

The real problem lies in three things:

  1. The inability of one person to understand the other. Indeed sometimes a person even has difficulty understanding his own self.
  2. The inability of a person to adapt to the partnership that is marriage and the inability to cope with the life changes that it brings. Many people expect things to remain the same as they were before.
  3. The most important problem is a lack of commitment to the relationship and to making it last.


This is why it is necessary for people to understand “the rules of the game” when it comes to love.

Ten ways to achieve lasting love:

Since marital love is prone to sickness and even death, it is imperative for couples to constantly work to revitalize and preserve it.

Husbands and wives must do the following:

1. They have to get in the habit of saying things that are positive, like offering compliments and like making little prayers for each other.

A husband could say to his wife: “If I were sent back to the days of my youth, I would not choose for a wife anyone besides you.” Of course, the wife can easily say something similar to her husband.

Affectionate words have an effect, especially on women. They have, indeed, often been the weapons used by unscrupulous men to gain access to what is not theirs.

Sweet words arouse a woman’s heart. A husband should take care to say them to his wife before someone else does.

2. Husbands and wives have to get into the habit of doing those little things that mean so much. If a man comes home to find his wife asleep, he can cover her and tuck her into bed.

A husband can give his wife a call from work just to say hello and to let her know that he is thinking about her.

If a wife finds that her husband has fallen asleep, she can give him a little kiss on the forehead, even if she thinks that he will not be aware of it. Indeed, on some level his senses are working even though he is asleep and he may very well be aware of it.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized the value of these little things, “…even the morsel of food that you place in your wife’s mouth…” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

It may very well be that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was alluding to the expenditure of a man for his wife’s needs. Nonetheless, the Prophet (peace be upon him) chose to express it in the way he did for a reason. Most importantly, this is the way the Prophet peace be upon him) conducted himself with his family.

This type of behavior is governed by the tastes of the people involved. It may take some getting used to, but it really does not take a lot of effort.

A person who is not accustomed to such things may feel embarrassed just hearing about them and may prefer to leave matters the way they are rather than try to change his behavior and do things that he might see as ridiculous.

Still, we must be willing introduce new habits into our lives if we do not want our problems to go on forever.

3. The husband and wife must set aside time to talk to each other. They should talk about the past; reminisce about the good times. Talking about them keeps them fresh in our minds as if they had happened only yesterday. They should talk about the future and share their hopes and their plans. They should also talk about the present, both the good and bad of it, and discuss different ways to solve their problems.

4. Keeping close physical contact is good for the relationship. This is not just for times of intimacy, but at all times, like when sitting in the lounge or walking down the street. This is regardless of the fact that there are still men in our society who are ashamed to have people see them walking in public with their wives at their sides.

5. Emotional support should be guaranteed whenever it is required. When the wife is pregnant or on her monthly period, she may need her husband to lend her a little moral support. He should take her mental state into consideration. Medical experts attest to the fact that when women go through pregnancy, menstruation, or postpartum bleeding, they suffer from psychological stress that can aversely affect their behavior. It is at times like these that a woman needs her husband’s support. She needs him to let her know how much she means to him and how much he needs her in his life.

Likewise, the husband might fall ill or come under a lot of difficulties. The wife must take these things into consideration. If people want their relationship to last, they must let each other feel that support.

6. There have to be some material expressions of love. Gifts should be given, sometimes without there being any occasion for it, since a pleasant surprise is always welcome. A good gift is one that expresses feelings of affection. It does not have to be expensive, but it has to be appropriate for the other’s tastes and personality; something that will be cherished.

7. The husband and wife have to learn how to be more tolerant of each other and overlook one another’s shortcomings. It should become a habit to forget about the little mistakes of daily life and not even bring them up. Silence in these trivialities is a sign of noble character.

A woman said to `آ’ishah: “When my husband comes home, he becomes like a cat. When he goes out, he becomes like a lion. He does not ask about what might have happened.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

Ibn Hajar explains her words as follows:

They might mean that he is very generous and tolerant. He does no make a big fuss about what goes missing of his wealth. If he brings something for the house, he dies not enquire about it later on. He does not make an issue of the shortcomings that he might see at home but instead is clement and tolerant.

It is wrong to go overboard in considering the faults of others but when it comes to ourselves, keep a running account of all our good qualities.

There is a tradition that goes: “One of you sees the dust in his brother’s eyes and forgets about the dirt in his own.”

8. A husband and wife must come to an understanding when it comes to matters of mutual concern, like the raising of children, work, travel, expenses, and problems that might pose a threat to the marital relationship.

9. Husbands and wives need to do things to liven up their relationship. Each one of them can read a book or listen to a cassette that might give them some ideas on how they can revitalize their marital life and bring more meaning to it. They can vary their habits when it comes to relaxing together, dining, taking refreshments, decorating their home, and in relating to each other both openly and intimately. These are the things that keep up the excitement and interest in a relationship.

10. The relationship must be protected from negative influences that can harm it. One of the worst of these is the habit of comparing one’s spouse to others. Many men tend to compare their wives to those of other men. Some even compare them with the faces they see in magazines and on television. Women also compare their husbands with other women’s husbands in things like wealth, looks, and how many times he takes her out. All of this makes people feel bad and insufficient and it can ruin the marital relationship.

If we must compare ourselves to others, we should do so with those who have less going for them than ourselves. Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Look towards those who are beneath you and do not look towards those who are above you. This is better so that you do not belittle Allah’s blessings.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

We must accustom ourselves to living in the real world and to finding contentment in what Allah has decreed for us. We should not look longingly at what others have been given. Whatever little that we have will be a lot if we utilize it well.

It is quite possible that many who speak about their marital bliss and go on boasting about their husbands and wives are untruthful in what they say. They just like to brag.

The grass often does seem greener on the other side, but only because we are not looking at it up close.

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